Opportunities... or "God uses you when you suck the most"

Wow, I am just in awe. So this week has been long...and tiring...and I'm probably not being the most devoted Christ-follower out there. I have really been trying to get in the Word more like um, daily, but this is hard. I have also been praying, like before I fall asleep... What is that? My relationship with God needs a jump start is what I've been thinking. A retreat. A revelation. A new devotion book... something! Lord knows I need it so I guess the way He wanted to do that was to give me an opportunity.

A little background information on my spiritual journey over the last year. After last summer I had been feeling like God wanted me to move from Horizon and the high school ministry to pursue leading worship. I didn't know exactly what that meant or where that would lead me but after going to North Coast Calvary for a couple months, the drive got too long and it felt like I was missing the piece of fellowship and community. I then got introduced by my roommate to the church I go now called Newbreak. She was going there and brought me along with her. She ended up moving on and somehow, someway I ended up staying. I kept hearing this faint voice... stay and worship Me. Hmmm, this really isn't the exact place I want to be Lord. I was kind of looking for a husband here (to be honest) and its smaller than I am used to. Hmm. But I stayed.

Only a few weeks into being at this new church I was introduced through another dear friend of mine to the worship pastor, Ron. Great guy and the odd thing was he was starting a group to mentor worship leaders. Hmm I thought...this is like something I've been looking for, for years. Ever since I began playing worship really. You come to a point when you've learned about 10 chords and you know most worship songs and you get stuck. Well this is where I was at about March this year. I had been playing every so often for Horizon's high school and that was a great way to get experience with sound and comfortability playing in front of others on a stage. If anything grows your confidence, its high schoolers and their incredible ability to criticize others. So here I was at this new church and I find myself in this mentor group. I had to "audition" which he didn't call it that but he had heard from my dear friend that I loved worship and was a worship leader... I think he just wanted to make sure this was true. :) So I became part of the group and over the last months I have been meeting weekly with several other worship leaders and pastor Ron to continue to grow this gift. There has been times of complete insecurity and times of great joy as I've grown, learned, studied and been exposed to a plethora of things I'd never seen or thought of before. The one thing Ron always says is "being proceeds doing." He says, "Worship God before you lead others to worship." I have really learned that this absolutely HAS to be true for you to lead anyone in genuine worship. The Holy Spirit can lead like no other... so I let Him.

This brings us to Tuesday morning when I received an email from Ron asking if I would co-lead the worship this Sunday with him at the main service. CO-LEAD? MAIN SERVICE? THIS SUNDAY? I could barely get through the email before I responded back with "YES! I AM HONORED!" It was funny because he actually said "pray about it" and I thought "I have prayed about this for the last couple years. I know what God would say." ;)

There is no feeling like being exactly where you are supposed to be and doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. That is how I felt at rehearsal tonight. I know Sunday will be nerve-racking and might not sound the best, but my one prayer is that I would let the Holy Spirit lead in and through me as this gift is from Him. There is nothing more powerful than that. I am honored and humbled to be a vessel of Christ. Wow.



To God be the glory.

(Pray for me!)