Opportunities... or "God uses you when you suck the most"

Wow, I am just in awe. So this week has been long...and tiring...and I'm probably not being the most devoted Christ-follower out there. I have really been trying to get in the Word more like um, daily, but this is hard. I have also been praying, like before I fall asleep... What is that? My relationship with God needs a jump start is what I've been thinking. A retreat. A revelation. A new devotion book... something! Lord knows I need it so I guess the way He wanted to do that was to give me an opportunity.

A little background information on my spiritual journey over the last year. After last summer I had been feeling like God wanted me to move from Horizon and the high school ministry to pursue leading worship. I didn't know exactly what that meant or where that would lead me but after going to North Coast Calvary for a couple months, the drive got too long and it felt like I was missing the piece of fellowship and community. I then got introduced by my roommate to the church I go now called Newbreak. She was going there and brought me along with her. She ended up moving on and somehow, someway I ended up staying. I kept hearing this faint voice... stay and worship Me. Hmmm, this really isn't the exact place I want to be Lord. I was kind of looking for a husband here (to be honest) and its smaller than I am used to. Hmm. But I stayed.

Only a few weeks into being at this new church I was introduced through another dear friend of mine to the worship pastor, Ron. Great guy and the odd thing was he was starting a group to mentor worship leaders. Hmm I thought...this is like something I've been looking for, for years. Ever since I began playing worship really. You come to a point when you've learned about 10 chords and you know most worship songs and you get stuck. Well this is where I was at about March this year. I had been playing every so often for Horizon's high school and that was a great way to get experience with sound and comfortability playing in front of others on a stage. If anything grows your confidence, its high schoolers and their incredible ability to criticize others. So here I was at this new church and I find myself in this mentor group. I had to "audition" which he didn't call it that but he had heard from my dear friend that I loved worship and was a worship leader... I think he just wanted to make sure this was true. :) So I became part of the group and over the last months I have been meeting weekly with several other worship leaders and pastor Ron to continue to grow this gift. There has been times of complete insecurity and times of great joy as I've grown, learned, studied and been exposed to a plethora of things I'd never seen or thought of before. The one thing Ron always says is "being proceeds doing." He says, "Worship God before you lead others to worship." I have really learned that this absolutely HAS to be true for you to lead anyone in genuine worship. The Holy Spirit can lead like no other... so I let Him.

This brings us to Tuesday morning when I received an email from Ron asking if I would co-lead the worship this Sunday with him at the main service. CO-LEAD? MAIN SERVICE? THIS SUNDAY? I could barely get through the email before I responded back with "YES! I AM HONORED!" It was funny because he actually said "pray about it" and I thought "I have prayed about this for the last couple years. I know what God would say." ;)

There is no feeling like being exactly where you are supposed to be and doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. That is how I felt at rehearsal tonight. I know Sunday will be nerve-racking and might not sound the best, but my one prayer is that I would let the Holy Spirit lead in and through me as this gift is from Him. There is nothing more powerful than that. I am honored and humbled to be a vessel of Christ. Wow.



To God be the glory.

(Pray for me!)

Eliana Reese, My Little Niece

Welcome Sweet Baby Girl! 9lbs 2 oz November 20, 2010 at 2:22pm.







...This is what I've been waiting for. :)

Sometimes a day off...

is all you need. :)

We exchanged yesterday for today at work and it has been nothing but catching up. Doctors appointments, endless laundry, planning baby showers, buying flights, washing the sheets, budgeting... the list goes on. Listening to Sara Bareilles makes it all fun.

I'm planning to go on a walk with a friend sometime soon then tonight we are celebrating Kim "Ruby"s birthday at her place with dinner made by her husband. Sounds like a birthday party to me.

* Happy Birthday Kim! *

Saturday & Sunday have nothing on my iPhone calendar... NICE. This week merits a weekend like this. All I need is a margarita tonight and all is well. ;)

In light of the shore.

I stole this quote from a friends blog, but it was just too good not to re-post. In light of my last post and the longing for some things to never change, I find this quote inspiring. Lord, take us on an adventure with you. Whether storms or blue skies, we are with You.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity.

-Sir Francis Drake

Taylor & Reflections on Life

Well, as I sit here listening to Taylor's new album and thinking of last years Halloween Costume, it gets me thinking about life.


And how it changes. Wow.

On Taylor's new album she has a song called Never Grow Up and today it made me cry. This must have been the reason I didn't wear make-up today. Sometimes I feel like this song and I just want to click 'pause' on life. Or go back and live at home again. Its a deep longing in me that wants to sleep under the same roof as my parents again and have them buy the groceries or drive me to volleyball or even write me a list of "chores" for Saturday. Or open presents from my Grandma at Christmas. Or smell the apple pie she made on Thanksgiving. I want to never grow up sometimes.

Life is an interesting thing. Its has moments of pure bliss and the change is joyful, renewing and exciting. Then there are moments of utter sorrow and things change that you never wanted to. Life seems to throw you around, never slowing down but always changing. As I look through my pictures, I noticed a few.

...Last year, Kamar, Kim and I threw the Halloween Party. This year, I live with Kamar and Brittany. Kim is married and living with her husband.

...Last year my friend Melissa was Kat Von D for Halloween. This year she is about to have a sweet baby girl and was a "Speed Bump"

...Last year my friend Emily was a pumpkin. This year a hippy and well over 100lbs smaller.

...Last year my Grandma was alive and well, unknowing of the cancer growing in her body. This Halloween she's gone.

Some things are still the same. My blond curly hair. My job. I'm still kind of the same size. (Shoot!) I still have the same amazing friends. Single. Love rap music. Ha. But most importantly, what hasn't changed is my God.

He's the same yesterday, today and forever.

Thankfully. :)

Music & God

I was talking with one of my friends today and we were discussing the different forms of entertainment. She mentioned that she loves all three: Music, Reading and Books and can actually be doing two or more at a time. i.e. reading and listening to music. I was telling her that I love all three more now than I used to, but over all, the one I love the most is...

Music.

Along with God, music is the only other thing that can fill my soul like it does. It runs in and through me, like a heart beat. Dancing through my veins and bringing me to life. I find music to fit my mood, or I let music change my mood. I can quickly be uplifted and rise above all my problems the second a melodic tune comes on. It really can change me, in a second. I love that about music. Thats why I listen to music mostly about God.

I learned somewhere, that the spiritual component and musical component (or places in the brain they have detected activity when involved in these activities) are next to each other. I.e. They are connected.

With my knowledge of God and how He so intrically created us, I know this wasn't a mistake. That's why there is something about WORSHIP. Its music that brings your soul closer to God. There is a quote I heard once that said...

It is in the process of being worshiped that God communicates His presence to men.

Dwell on that.

God communicates His presence to us through music. I know I feel that. Do you?

Its Been A While!

First of all, I just went to title this blog and realized the usage of "a while" or "awhile" has always left me perplexed! I turned to Google, only to come to the conclusion that: the english language is weird! Haha! If anyone is curious though, I believe I used it correctly in my title as a "Noun Phrase" of a-while because the use of "awhile" is an adverb meaning "for a short time." Interesting!

Okay, well now that's settled! On to some updates! I would love to write on here that life has been amazing... that I got a NEW JOB that PAYS way more! Or, I signed up for SCHOOL and am stoked on pursuing the perfect career! Or that I lost 20 lbs by straight diet, exercise and self-conrol! Hmm... Not really.

Life has been quite challenging lately. Overall I'm doing well, but it did take a perspective change to help me understand some of the things God has in my life right now to shape me and mold me. Its been a mixed bag, really. Some heavy stuff, some really fun stuff and then some just Blah stuff. First off, my Grandma is dying of lung cancer. Its really one of those things that you're never prepared for and the crazy reality of death is breath-taking. I have experienced death before with my grandparents on the other side but I think because this is my Mom's mom and the grandma I've always been closer to, its much harder. Really though, the bond we have had in Jesus has been the strength that has helped me through. I flew home 2 weekends ago to visit her and spend my last moments with her. I painted her nails, rubbed lotion on her legs, read her some scripture and cried with her. After lots of tears and even as I write this, I can only be thankful for the precious time we got to spend together, one last time. I will replay the words she said to me over and over in my heart forever. Until we meet again. She is a beautiful, strong and compassionate woman of God and her influence on my life has been profoundly spiritual. I know she will be in God's presence soon and for that, I am actually kind of jealous.
I truly love her and will miss her dearly.



God is very good though because as one life is ending, another is beginning! We celebrated my best friends baby's near arrival last weekend and after all the emails and planning... the shower turned out fantastic! I have absolutely loved watching this new life being formed in my friends womb...its a nice way to live vicariously through her until the time is right for me to have my own. After all I've seen and learned though, I think I can wait. ;)





This weekend has been relaxing, perusing the Street Fair on Adams, playing with friend's puppies, planning Halloween Extravaganzas, bachlorette boudoirs, etc. At this party, it actually came up that I hadn't blogged in FOREVER, so this one's for you, Cyna! Glad someone reads it. ;)

(Emo's new puppy, Baxter! Oh, for life to be this simple)

Tomorrow the agenda is:
Church (with Aloha!)
Call the parents and check in
Watch the Chargers Game
Relax
Practice Guitar

Sounds fabulous to me. Even when life brings me to my knees, I'm very thankful for the blessings that lift me up again.

Even if they are small.

[Your prayers for my Grandma and family are coveted. <3 ]